Confessions of a Wanna Be Cowgirl

​Confession: I have secretly wanted to be a cowgirl almost my entire life.
 
Fact: I’ve been a city girl my entire life.
 
I recently came across an old photograph that made me stop and think. The photo quality is not the best, but it is a picture of me around the age of eleven sitting on my grandmother’s horse. What the picture doesn’t show is how nervous I was on top of that horse, and how a couple days later, that same horse bucked me off right in the middle of the pasture. Apparently, pregnant horses are moody.
​I love horses. I love their intelligence, their beauty, and their strength. I’ve tried time and time again to ride horses. I rode trail rides during Girl Scout camp, on the beach during a vacation in Mexico, on my in-law’s farm, and for a season, I took riding lessons. But, I still have not mastered the art of riding, nor have I ever gotten to a point of feeling comfortable on a horse. There is something that flat out intimidates me. It doesn’t help that people say horses can sense nervousness or the fact I hold on tightly with my legs to the horse’s stomach (apparently, this is a signal to go, not stop).
 
No matter how hard I try, even if I own the boots and the riding gear, I haven’t been able to ride carefree across the fields with the wind whipping through my hair. Some of it has to do with control—I simply feel out of control while riding the horse because well, the horse is in total control. I have a hard time not being in control, and I have a hard time with trying to control.
​The Lord has had me in a city environment my entire life. I have had opportunities to camp here and there and visit rural areas, but I’ve never lived in a rural area. I’ve been a resident of cities of all different sizes from Boston, to Los Angeles, and now, Dallas. Although I tend to enjoy the conveniences of the city, I think I’ve been discontent my whole life in the city. I remember vacationing at the lake in Maine as a young girl thinking how peaceful it was there. As a teenager when things got tough, I always retreated to the mountains. Even today, I have a restlessness to have some land, to plant, cultivate, and have animals. I haven’t quite figured out whether this restlessness is because I am failing to own and embrace all that God has given me or whether God has been preparing my heart for something different all this time.
 
Beth Moore says it best, “Only God’s chosen task for you will ultimately satisfy.” Am I not satisfied with what I have or am doing because I’m trying to control my situation, or am I not satisfied with where I am because I haven’t yet gotten to the place God has chosen for me? These aren’t easy questions to answer because we battle our flesh all the time. I want a quieter, simpler life while at the same time, there are plenty of people who are also wishing for the big city lights. In the middle, however, there are those who are content exactly where they are. Why? Because they are where they are supposed to be doing exactly what God has asked them to do.
 
Psalm 84:9–10 says, “Look upon our shield, O God; look with favor on your anointed one. Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked.”
 

The sons of Korah sang this Psalm years after their own fathers’ rebellion. The Korahites were upset with Moses and Aaron. The Korahites were chosen from the whole community of Israel to be near God, serve in the Tabernacle, and stand before the people and minister to them (Numbers 16:9). However, the Korahites weren’t content with that calling; they also wanted the priesthood (Numbers 16:10). Moses told them, “The Lord is the one you and your followers are really revolting against! For who is Aaron that you are complaining about him?” (Numbers 16:11).
 
These kinds of verses get me All. The. Time.
 
The Korahites were throwing the kind of temper tantrum I throw in my head (sometimes out loud) when I’m not satisfied in my season, in my geographic location, and in my calling. I’m just thankful God hasn’t responded to my temper tantrums the same way He dealt with the Korahites.
 
“Meanwhile, Korah had stirred up the entire community against Moses and Aaron, and they all gathered at the Tabernacle entrance. Then the glorious presence of the Lord appeared to the whole community, and the Lord said to Moses and Aaron, ‘Get away from all these people so that I may instantly destroy them!'” (Numbers 16:19–21)
 
One could read the next few passages and see a god who is not kind to His people, or one can see the great calling upon Moses’ life. Moses interceded for the people of Israel on many occasions in the wilderness. This passage highlights the fact Moses was doing exactly what the Lord had asked him to do, not what Moses was doing on his own.
 
“And Moses said, ‘This is how you will know that the Lord has sent me to do all these things that I have done—for I have not done them on my own. If these men die a natural death, or if nothing unusual happens, then the Lord has not sent me. But if the Lord does something entirely new and the ground opens its mouth and swallows them and all their belongings, and they go down alive into the grave, then you will know that these men have shown contempt for the Lord.’” (Numbers 16:28—30)
 
The next verse says, “He had hardly finished speaking the words when the ground suddenly split open beneath them” (Numbers 16:31).
 
Moses was sure about God, even though he felt inadequate at times and didn’t always do things the right way in his calling. He was also a sojourner moving from place to place. He didn’t know when he would get to where he was going, but he knew he would get there because God had told him he would see “the promised land” (Exodus 3:17).
 
Getting back to Beth Moore’s quote, “Only God’s chosen task for you will ultimately satisfy.” Godly satisfaction feels and looks different than selfish satisfaction. One day doing exactly what God has called us to do is better than a thousand days doing someone else’s task. For the Korahites, it meant literal death. For us, Beth says, “Craving what God did not choose us to do would mean death for our ministries.” When people are operating in the sweet spot of ministry, it is beautiful. When people thrive in the places God has them, it looks like a puzzle perfectly put together. Personally, I am still pushing through my moments of feeling dissatisfied. I’m thankful to worship a God who allows me the opportunity to sit with Him and talk to Him about the struggles within my heart. Sometimes He directs me to answers within His Word. Sometimes it feels as though the silence is deafening as I wait for Him to respond. What I know without a doubt is He knows my heart is pure and humble in my asking.
 
One day, He’ll either give me all the courage I need to ride, or remove that desire all together. Until then, I’ll keep moving and doing where He has me, and enjoy the beauty from afar.
Tagged with , ,

Erin Olson

Founder and CEO of Sandalfeet Ministries

Related Posts

No Comments


Recent

Archive

 2015 (42)
 February (1)

Categories

Tags

#Emerge #LiveUnashamed #TurnOffTheDark 'Tis the Season 1 Corinthians 13 1 Peter 3:18 1 Timothy 1:12-16 180 the documentary 1973 1and3 2 Corinthians 2:5-11 2015 2016 Vote 2016 40th Birthday 62nd National Day of Prayer 63rd National Day of Prayer 8 A Few Thoughts About the Starbucks Red Cup A Generation in Crisis A Savior is Born A Shining Star Aaron Abbott and Costello Abraham Acts 16:31 Adultery Advent Calendars Advent Devotional Advent Wreath Advent Agape Alabaster Jar Alaska Airlines Albaster Jar Albie Pearson All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten American Church Ami Chapman Anglican Church Annie the Movie Are You Hurting Your "Friends"? Are You Hurting Your "Friends"? Ascension Ash Wednesday Ashley Madison Asma Al-Assad Aurora Auror Austin & Ally Autumn Awaken Band-Aids Baptism of the Holy Spirit Barak Bashar Al-Assad Bathsheba Be a Voice for the Voiceless Beautiful Gate Being Fed Beirut Attacks Bethel Music Bethseda Better Days Are Ahead Bible Fellowship Bible Museum Bible Study Bible Billy Graham Bishop TD Jakes Bitter Cup Blogger Boaz Bobbie Houston Boko Haram Born In A Manger Boston Marathon Bride BringBackOurGirls Brittany Maynard Burdens Busyness C.H. Spurgeon Caleb Castille Calling Canada Casting Crowns Catherine Mullins Change Charles H. Spurgeon Charles Spurgeon Charleston Church Shooting Charleston Chasing the Dragon Chick-fil-A Chicken Child Choose What is Better Christ-follower Christine Caine Christmas All Year Long Christmas Christy Nockels Church Climb a Tree Coffee Bar Colossians 3:13 Comfort Zone Comfortable Community Confirmation Content Cool Christianity Coop Corrie ten Boom Country Club Craving God Ministries Creation Creator Cross Crown of Thorns D.C. DIY DOMA Dads and Daughters Dads Daily Devotional for Lent Daily Devotional Dallas Damascus Dandelions Darkness Darlene Zscheh Daughters Of the Deep Daughters Days of Elijah Deborah Defiance Deliverance Democrat Demon Possessed Man Dennis Bratcher Desensitization Deuteronomy Devotional for Lent Devotional Disorder Dominican Republic Don't Act Like a Chicken Donald Trump Doubt Dr. Tony Evans Dry Bones Dylann Roof ED Commercials Earthquake Easter Eight Practical Tips Election 2016 Election Elephant in the Room Elohim Emanuel A.M.E. Church Emanuel AME Emerge: It's Time To Turn Off The Dark Emerge Emerging: Out of the Shadows of Voluntary Darkness Emerging Emily Lett Empty Tomb Encounters Entertainment Ephesians 1:3 Ephesians 2:8-9 Ephesians 2:8 Ephesians 6:12 Epiphany Erin Olson Erin Olson Dallas Erin Olson Sandalfeet Erin Olson Erin and Scott Olson Erin Esau Esperanza International Evangelism Explosion Evangelism Exodus 1:17 Ezekiel FORGIVEN If we are forgiven why can’t we forgive? How you can know if you are living in unforgive Facebook Live Facebook Faith Fall Family Relationships Family Fasting Father's Day Father's Day Festival of Unleavened Bread Fetter Firing Squad First Fruits First Great Awakening For Your Glory and For Me Forever 21 Forever Forgiveness - Unforgiveness : Revealed Through Your Fruits Forgiveness - Unforgiveness: Revealed Through Your Fruits Forgiveness Bible Study Forgivenes Forgivness Four Friends Friendship Friends Fruits of the Spirit Fruits Fruit Galatians 5:22-23 Garden of Gethsemane Gather Your Neighbors Gendercide General Revelation Genesis 3:15 Gentleness George Zimmerman Gerasenes GetOurGirlsBack Gideon Gifts Give Credit To Whom Credit Is Due Give Gluten-Free God With Us God is Love God is With Us God is good God's Not Dead God's Will God's Word God Golden Chord Good Friday Goodness Grace Greg Laurie HIS Bridge Builders Habbakuk Haitian Earthquake Haiti Happy New Year Harvest America 2016 Harvest America Harvest What Does it Mean? Harvest Hate He is Risen Healing Heart Heaven Kissed the Earth Hebrews 10:14 Hebrews 10:24-25 Hebrews 12:1 Heroes of the faith Hillary Clinton Hillsong United Hipster Christianity His Redeemer Lives His Revelation Holy Spirit Holy Week Homeschool Home Hope Defined Hosanna in the Highest House of Prayer Human trafficking Hurricane I Can Only Imagine I Can ISIS Immanuel Impatience In N Out Instagram Intercession Intercessory prayer Isaac Isaiah 7:14 Isaiah 9:6 Isaiah Israel It Takes A Village It'S Time To Turn Off The Dark Jack Graham Jackie Pullinger Jacob Jael James MacDonald Jehovah-Jireh Jen Hatmaker Jeremiah 29:11 Jeremiah Jerry-Maguire Jessie Jesus Movement Jesus Revolution Jesus is the Reason Jesus is the reason for the season Jesus' miracles Jesus' will Jesus Jim Cymbala Job 23:10 Job Joel Osteen John 10:10 John 14:6 John 15:1 John 3:16 John 8:12 John Hagee Join With The Angels Jonah Joy To The World Joy Judge Deborah Karen Wheaton Kari Jobe Kickstarter Kids Ramp Kindness King David King Herod King Hezekiah Kingdom Community Kirk-Cameron Lakewood Church Laodiceans Laodicea Las Vegas Leadership Lent Daily Devotional Lent Devotional Lenten Devotional Lenten Season Lent Let it Be Jesus Life Light In the Dark Light of the World Light Lioness Arising Lisa Bevere Listen to Him Liv and Maddie Live Unashamed Living Under an Open Heaven Lord's Prayer Lord's Supper Lot's wife Love Luke 10:42 Luke 11 Luke 2:46 Luke 2:7 Majestic Inspirations Majesty Malachi 1:2 Manchester Mandisa Manna Marathon Marilyn Monroe Mary Anoints Jesus Mary Magdalene Mary and Martha Matthew 12:21 Matthew 20 Matthew 21 Matthew 28:19 Matthew 5:9 Matthew 7:24-27 Mat May 7th May 7 Mike Fechner Miracles From Heaven Miracles Missions Moms Mom Mordecai Moses Mother's Day Motherhood Motrin Movies Museum of the Bible Museum Music Muslim My Hope America with Billy Graham My Hope America Names of God Narrow Gate Narrow Path National Day of Prayer National Prayer Walk Your Neighborhood National Prayer Walk Nehemiah Neighborhood New Beginnings New Year NewSpring Worship Niagara Falls Nigerian Schoolgirls Nigeria No Longer Slaves Notes Obedience Oceans Of Mess and Moxie Office Shooting Olive Branch Olive Oil Olson On the Day of the Solar Eclipse One Thing is Necessary One Year Later Open Heaven Operation Christmas Child Oregon's Death With Dignity Act Palm Sunday Parables Parents Pareto Principle Paris Attacks Paris Passion Passover Pastors Patience Peace On Earth Pecking Order Pentecost Perfect Timing Peter Pick up Your Cross Planned Parenthood Podcaster Podcasts Podcast Pool of Bethesda PowerPoint Praise you in the Storm Praise Prayer Closet Prayer Room Prayer Works Pray Preparing for the Harvest Presence of God President Obama Presidential Race Prestonwood Baptist Church Prestonwood Devotionals Prestonwood Easter Prestonwood Pregnancy Center Prestonwood Women's Ministry Prestonwood Priceless Priscilla Shirer Pro-gay Prodigal Son Promised Land Proverbs 10:12 Proverbs 22:6 Proverbs 31 Psalm 118:1 Psalm 121 Psalm 31:19 Queen Esther Race Racism Rahab Raised to Life Rashness Red Cup Reinhard Bonnke Repent Republican Repurpose Reset 2016 Revelation 4:8 Revelation Rick Santorum Robert Fulghum Robin Hill Lane Robin Williams Roe v. Wade Romans 4:7-8 Romans 8:28 Ronnie W. Floyd Rooster Ruth SCOTUSA SYATP 2015 SYATP Sabbatical Year Sabbatical Samaritan's Purse Same-Sex Marriage San Bernardino Sandafeet Sandalfeet Blog Sandalfeet Ministries Sandalfeet Minsitries Sandalfeet Santa Claus Santa Satan Scarlet cord Scott Olson Dallas Scott Olson Scott and Erin Olson Season Second Coming of Christ Second Great Awakening Second Kings See You At The Pole Self-control Senior Adults Senior Church Goers September 11 Serve Sex trafficking Sexual Abuse Shame Share the Message Shifting the Entertainment Atmosphere Sifting Silence Silent Night Simeon Simon Simplify the Season Sisera Sit At His Feet: Choose What is Better Sit At His Feet: Choosing What is Better Sit At His Feet Social Media Sodom Solar Eclipse Solomon Sound The Trumpets Special Revelation Spenser Olson Spirit Rising Spiritual Atmosphere Spiritual Food Spiritual Needs Spiritual Orphans the Book Spiritual Orphans: A Generation in Crisis Spiritual Orphans Spiritual Warning Signals Sprint Stand United Star of Hope Starbucks Start Serving Stop Complaining Stay Gold Stepping Out of the Boat Stormie Omartian Storms Storytellers Stress Strongholds Supreme Court ruling Surrender Syrian Conflict Syria TD Jakes Temple Construction Temple Temptation Testimony Thankfulness Thankful Thankgiving Thanksgiving The American Humanist Association The Gathering The Great Commission The Katinas The King is Among Us The Mission of Motherhood The Ramp The Sisterhood The Tabernacle The Waiting Place The Weeping Prophet Theophany Third Child This I Beiieve Thomas S. Kidd Three Wise Men Time with God Timing Tony Evans Trafficking Transfiguration Trayvon Martin Triumphal Entry Twelve Days of Christmas Unashamed Unbelief Unforgiveness United 2015 Uzzah VBS 2012 VBS Vacation Bible School Valentine's Day Vessel Vicky Valle Victor's Crown Virginia Grounds Virtual Academy Voice Institute Voluntary Darkness War Room Washington We Are Called to Forgive Weekend Project Weeping Prophet Whale What If What's in a Name Wheat and Weeds Who's on First? Wide Gate Wide Path Will You Stay Silent? Wise Men Woman at the Well Woman-at-the-well Woodlawn Word for the Year Word of God Word of Life Words Works Worship Music Worship Writing in the Sand Wubble Bubble Ball Wubble Bubble Yahweh Yes You Can You Are Not the Boss of You Your Love For Us Youth Zacchaeus Zechariah 9 Zechariah abortion adoption authenticity author baby names blessing blog blood moons category 5 hurricane child abuse child trafficking children conversation depression divorce family family vision statement family mission statement stay-at-home mome flu epidemic flu vaccine flu forgiveness four blood moons fruit of the Spirit garth brooks governor abbott hand of God hand-of-god heroines hope housewarming shower hurricane harvey kinsman Redeemer lost lukewarm marriage media ministry mobile sonograms mustard seed myhopeamerica.org nasa nineveh orphans orphan pandemic parable of the mustard seed parenting peace persecution prayer prestonwood baptist choir pro-choice pro-life prodigals prophecy pythonic-spirits python radical obedience radical reconciliation revival sadness sharethemessage.org spiritual-warfare steps of salvation stomach virus thanks the Bible the Seed the gift of conversation theatre shooting this blood time in His presence tragedy trials trust unanswered prayers unplanned pregnancy waiting widow's oil workplace ministry